SATIRE

The New Constitution of India

Markandey Katju

Markandey Katju

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No amendment will be allowed in this Constitution.

Today, 15th August, is Independence Day in India.

A long time has expired since 1950 when the Indian Constitution was made, and it has now become necessary to frame and promulgate a new Constitution in view of the changed circumstances.

Hence on today’s happy occasion this new Constitution, drafted by the best legal minds of India, is submitted to the people of India, for their approval :

PREAMBLE

We, The People of India, who are mostly casteist, communal and stupid, and tolerant to these virtues, solemnly resolve to constitute India into a neo colony of other nations and keep our country poor and backward, and secure to all of our citizens :

INJUSTICE, social, economic and political;

LIBERTY of casteist, communal, and superstitious thought

INEQUALITY of status and opportunity;
and to promote among our citizens caste, communal, racial and lingual hatred, and

INTOLERANCE, prejudice, discrimination and bigotry,

DO HEREBY ADOPT, ENACT, and GIVE TO OURSELVES THIS CONSTITUTION

Article 1: India, that is Bharat, shall be a collection of fools, to be ruled by crooks, gangsters, deceivers, frauds and looters

Article 2: All individuals who are willing to be befooled, looted, and controlled by crooks, frauds etc shall be ordinary citizens of India. The crooks, frauds, looters, deceivers etc shall be superior citizens, who will have the right to loot, deceive and polarize the ordinary citizens on caste and communal lines.

Article 3: Fundamental Rights : The only fundamental right of ordinary citizens will be to get looted, deceived, discriminated, exploited and controlled by the superior citizens. Freedom of speech, liberty, equality etc are all humbug, and are strictly prohibited

constitutionArticle 4: Directive Principles of State Policy : The State shall endeavour to :

(a) deprive ordinary citizens of their livelihood, and keep them hungry, unemployed, and without healthcare and good education

(b) keep the ownership and control of the material resources of the country in the hands of a few billionaires, and increase the divide between the rich and the poor

(c) increase exploitation of the people

(d) Increase casteism, communalism, discrimination against minorities, women and dalits

(e) drug the people not only by intoxicants, but also Bollywood, cricket, the media, sex, crooked and cheap politics, etc so that the people remain ignorant

(f) ensure that speedy and fair justice is not provided to the people

(g) hand over the Indian economy to foreigners

Article 5: Fundamental Duties : It shall be the duty of the State and ordinary citizens to

(a) promote caste, communal, racial, lingual and regional hatred

(b) promote discrimination against minorities, women and dalits

(c) to develop the superstitious and feudal temper and thinking, e.g. belief in babas, astrology, etc

(d) incite communal and caste riots and killings, and also demolition of places of worship, as that is the surest way to polarise society and get votes.

Article 6: All other provisions of this Constitution shall be determined hereafter in an opaque manner by the superior citizens (the way the Supreme Court Collegium functions), and the ordinary citizens will have no say in it

Article 7: Amendments: No amendment will be allowed in this Constitution.

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Markandey Katju

Markandey Katju

Justice Markandey Katju is former Judge, Supreme Court of India and former Chairman, Press Council of India.

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